The Worst Flight Ever


This hotel has a great shower. I feel like a human being again. A tired human, but a human.

While in the shower I realized that the red-eye flight I took last night was far from the Worst Flight Ever. I mean, no video programming? Who am I kidding? I wasn't even watching it--I was listening to music. And I started to ask myself what the Worst Flight Ever would be. Well, make that the Worst Flight Ever that Landed Safely, because obviously...

For starters, it'd be a much longer flight. United now has a non-stop flight from Dulles to Beijing--that's a 12-hour time change, half-way around the world. So let's say you're on that flight.

There would have to be mechanical difficulties. Let's say you've gone almost half way when the pilot comes on and announces that you're turning around and going back to Dulles. Five hours later you're at your starting point. After sitting on the tarmac for a couple of hours, you refuel and take off again in the same plane because the airline doesn't have another plane available, and the mechanical difficulty is just a loss of air circulation in the coach cabin. Who needs it?

So what else would have to happen for this to be the Worst Flight Ever?
1) The captain never turns off the "Fasten Seat Belt" sign due to heavy turbulence.
2) The lack of air circulation makes the plane hot, and
3) exacerbates all of the following: (you're in a middle seat, of course)
...3a) the person on your left hasn't bathed, and
...3b) the person on your right is eating salami and drinking beer, and
...3c) at least one person on the plane is puking. (Bonus points if the person puking is you.)
4) At least one baby on the plane is crying. (Double bonus points if the crying baby is yours.)
5) The lavatories run out of TP, paper towels, and tissue (Yes, it happens--been there, done that.)

1 and 5 may be incompatible. If you earn bonus points for both 3c and 4, you win.

August 2009

Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
2 3 4 5 6 7 8
9 10 11 12 13 14 15
16 17 18 19 20 21 22
23 24 25 26 27 28 29
30 31          


Powered by Movable Type 4.12