How to Prevent Your Son from Going to Columbia Law School

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Go up there with him on a day when there are no tours available and no programs for admitted students. This way there won't be anybody to tell him cool stuff about the school's history or programs. There won't be any chance he'll meet future classmates, either. You have to be especially careful to avoid this because some of them might be cute girls.

Take a cab up there and have the driver drop you off in front of the law school after a hair-raising ride. It's important to see the law school before seeing the main campus because the main campus is much more appealing and you want your son to focus on the negative aspects of it. Letting him see the law school first will guarantee this.

Go in the law school and make your son stand in the bare entry for a few minutes soaking in the "atmosphere" while you use the restroom. He'll have to just stand around because there isn't any place to sit down. Whoever "decorated" the place was apparently constrained by the requirement that it be so uninviting that homeless people won't wander in to get out of the rain.

Make sure you walk down the hallway so he sees the wall of lockers. It'll remind him of high school. If he liked high school, don't worry--his high school was undoubtedly decorated better than Columbia Law School; high schools always put student art on the walls and some of it's pretty good.

Go on upstairs. You'll find a place to sit down but no furniture with upholstery or chairs with arms. It's nicer than the first floor, but by that time your son will be so disgusted he won't want to see any classrooms or the library; he'll just want to leave. You'll have accomplished your goal in about five minutes. The whole trip might cost you about $1000, but think of the money you'll save on tuition!


lol, when you put it like that it sounds as if you had this whole thing planned out!

However, if you really wanted me to hate it, you wouldn't have suggested Japanese food the first night... something more akin to a spaghetti dinner at Pizza Hut would've been appropriate.

The Japanese food wasn't my idea--you said you wanted sushi, remember?

Heh I know, I was making a joke.

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